He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
