You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
