im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
