Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
