It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
