Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
