This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
