I could make wine with my vomit
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
