Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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