i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
