I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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