also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
