ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
