When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
