If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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