I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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