nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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