I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
