And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
