The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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