did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
