chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize