That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
