yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
