idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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