I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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