I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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