We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
