Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
