will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
