Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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