Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
