just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I could fuck to npr.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
