I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
