My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
