He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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