Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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