HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
3pm strippers are depressing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
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