I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
