Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
