Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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