My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
