She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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