Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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