mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
