My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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