wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
