We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
