so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
