I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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