it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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