Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want to have your abortion
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
