I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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