I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
my liver is dry heaving
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
