So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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