one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize