I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
