I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
