Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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