Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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