what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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