either way he was missing a nipple.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
