Me too!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
