I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
