i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drunk is a universal language darling
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
