literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
