How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
