i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
