Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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