How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
