My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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