My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
