Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
