who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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