Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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