Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
