And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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