hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
