I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
