Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
