Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
