Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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