Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
