So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
