YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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